DANGEROUS FEELINGS
by incognito1
Summary: Nakago's attention is centered on someone, and it's not Soi. Will she be able to survive all the hurting and still wait for him or will she seek another destiny?SOON TO BE UPDATED.
1. The Beginning of Heartache

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AUTHOR'S NOTES: I DON'T OWN FUSHIGI YUUGI……BLAH,BLAH,BLAH

DANGEROUS FEELINGS

Soi went to Nakago's tent feeling both excitement and curiosity. Excitement because she was about to see _him_ again and curiosity because she wondered what her shogun wanted with her now.

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Maybe he needs his chi raised. Not that I'm complaining.

The naughty thought made her smile. But as she entered the tent what she saw gave her the shock of her life, all romantic thoughts disappeared. Instead of seeing Nakago alone, like he so often was, a woman was there. Soi's gaze zeroed in on the woman's slim arm, which was clinging seductively to Nakago. Possessively. She felt a dozen emotions at once. Jealousy and anger reigning over all. Who was this woman? Her face remained expressionless but she knew her eyes said it all, they always did, and she hated it

" Nakago-sama, I came as soon as I was called. "

She wrenched her eyes away from their arms and looked up at them. Her face was cool and calm

" I want you to meet someone. "

His tone was unreadible

" So you're Soi, so nice to meet you! I've heard so much about you, " the witch said, her voice dripping with so much fake sweetness, it was nauseating.

Soi found herself looking into a pair of stony brown eyes. It was hate at first sight. She didn't respond and waited, instead, for the girl to introduce herself.

" Soi, this is Sanumi Seka, " Nakago cut in, perhaps sensing the tension.

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Don't worry she's bound to leave sooner or later.

" She's going to be working with us from now on. "

She didn't even flinch, but she suddenly felt drained

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This cannot be happening. I'd rather be dead.

She thought this with such intensity that she surprised even herself. She didn't know what it was but whenever she looked at Sanumi she felt fear. She felt dread. With this sentiment she did the only thing she could think of-talk.

" Nakago-sama, I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but what do we need Sanumi-san for? I mean, as far as I'm aware of, there are only 7 star warriors for each maiden and the people besides them have no gifted powers. "

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I need to convince him.

" You're quite correct, but Sanumi here has mastered a very rare talent and it could be of service to me, in fact I think you can relate to it. "

By now, Soi was totally baffled. Taking her silence as encouragement, he went on.

" She has the capability to perform the Bouchu Spell. "

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Sayonara

Soi's face involuntarily clenched. The room was silent for a long time. She felt as if the quiet was slowly closing in on her and choking her

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Do something.

" What do you mean….how…..why do you…need another..you have me………I can….satisfy you. "

Those two words were whispered. She felt her face go crimson.

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Damn. Don't blush.

She was falling apart, but all she recognized right now was desperation.

" You have plenty of work Soi, especially now that we're at war with the Suzaku group. The last thing you need is to trouble yourself with my needs. "

" But it's no trouble at all…"

"Enough. No more arguments, " he said firmly, giving her a warning look.

" Hai. "

" Don't worry Soi-chan, I won't be a bother at all, " Sanumi finally said. She had been observing the two of them quietly.

A smile had formed on the woman's face.

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I'll bet

Soi once again glanced at their interlocked arms. She didn't know what happened next, but she was suddenly filled with sarcasm she didn't know she had.

" Tell me Sanumi-san, how did you get Nakago-sama to notice you? Did you ask him immediately or did you just approach him and open up your legs? "

The girl's smile wavered and her eyes glinted. Soi was filled with sick happiness. But she didn't glance at Nakago for she knew he would be looking at her disapprovingly

" Whatever I did, forgive me for saying, is none of your business, but rest assured that we both thoroughly enjoyed it. "

She was cold. Her body was filled with nothing but air. She knew that what the bitch said was probably true. In fact she was positive that it _was _true.

" That is enough, " Nakago interjected, raising his voice a little. 

" Gomen-nasai, Nakago-sama. "

Her bravado drained out of her and it was replaced by a new sense of panic. But her features remained perfect. Void of emotion.

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He's not going to change his mind.

" Gomen-nasai, Sanumi-san, I meant no offense. " 

She said this a lot less sincerely.

" None taken, " the witch replied, smirking.

" To extend my welcome, I will personally accompany you to your tent, speaking of which, may I ask where it is, Nakago-sama? "

She copied Sanumi's sickening voice and smile. Making sure the girl knew she was mocking her.

" No need for that, Soi, " Nakago replied.

Soi dreaded what was coming next.

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Don't say it…please don't say it…just don't say it.

" She'll be staying with me tonight. "

He just stood there as if everything was all right, as if he didn't just say he was going to have sex with this whore, as if he didn't hear Soi's heart break.

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Don't do this Nakago. I'm the one you need. I'm the one who serves you. I'm the one who loves you.

Then everything was a blur. She stared at Nakago for a long time. She looked into those great blue eyes. The eyes she'd seen several times spark with anger, anger only she could soothe. The eyes she saw heavy with hunger and desire every time they made love. The very first eyes she allowed herself to drown in. She silently pleaded with him, urging him to stop this nonsense, but all she got in return was a cold stare.

" Alright then…. ," she said, quickly hiding her emotions, clinging to what was left of her dignity

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I will not show him how weak I am. I will not show him how much this has affected me. And I definitely won't give this woman the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

" Have a great time. "

And with that she turned and left the tent. Not looking back. Her heart shattered on the floor. Her mind blank. Her emotions raging.

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AUTHOR'S NOTES: MORE TO COME. PLEASE R&R. THE PG13 RATING IS FOR LATER CHAPTERS.

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	2. Contemplation

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DANGEROUS FEELINGS

CHAPTER 2

" Well, she really is something, isn't she? "

Sanumi said this as she walked over to the opening of the tent and zipped it from the inside.

" But enough about her. Let's get down to business. "

Her voice was sultry and very very sexy. Then she started undressing. Slowly. Tantalizingly.

Nakago didn't do or say anything. Soi's vision stayed with him. He knew he had hurt her. Underneath that calm frame a storm was raging. It would have been enough to send a man to throw himself at her feet and beg for mercy. In fact, a single tear from Soi would drive a king to wage war. And he knew she would be crying tonight. So much

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But I don't feel. I don't care. That's why I'm great. That's why I'm strong. That's why noone can hurt me.

He then walked over to Sanumi and she instinctively pressed her body against his and engulfed him in a hungry kiss. It was going to be a fun night.

Soi walked in silence all the way to her tent. The moon was shining softly tonight, giving everything a golden tinge. The wind blew against her skin, leaving her with a hair-raising feeling. Like cool fingers flirting with her skin then abrubtly stopping, leaving her with a need so strong it made her dizzy. She felt weak. She felt helpless. Then Soi suddenly tumbled to the ground, blacking out. Before her face hit first on the grass, she regained herself and managed to break her fall using her hands.

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I don't want to walk anymore. I don't want to try anymore.

She sat on the ground just staring at the moon. There were no stars tonight, just a blackness so wide, spreading over everything

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The moon outshines even the stars…What does it feel like to have that much power?

Just staring at it made her feel lonely and she suddenly realized all she was not and all she never had. The moon was her favorite miracle. It had almost neverending light and noone could take it from her. Soi had always regarded to it as a lady. A lady with so much bewitching and hypnotic beauty that she could not give it to only one person, because it would only destroy him. Only consume him. So she spent all of eternity alone, and, instead, bestowed her radiance to all the lovers that were dazzled by her. Reminding them that they were so lucky to have someone. To be able to dedicate their lives to each other without insecurities and judgement. Her story a sad lesson.

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But to me it only signifies my being alone.

Someday I will find someone to look at the moon with me.

And with this promise came the tears.

Not being able to bear with so much magic around her, when she herself felt like a curse, she fled to her tent, as graceful as a doe. She didn't want the moon to see her weakness. Finally, she collapsed on her bed. Her cold and empty bed. The bed that still had Nakago's scent from three days before. Her face crumpled as she surrendered to her despair. Her ears rang of the cries of help only she could hear.

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AUTHOR'S NOTES: I KNOW IT'S SO SHORT, GOMEN-NE, I PROMISE I'LL UPDATE AS SOON AS I CAN, BUT I THINK THAT WON'T BE UNTIL NEXT YEAR-2002 BECAUSE WE'RE GOING AWAY FOR A WHILE. HAPPY HOLIDAYS. ONCE AGAIN, PLEASE R&R.


	3. When I Woke Up

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DANGEROUS FEELINGS

Chapter 3

Soi woke up with her head aching, her eyes swollen, and her throat dry. Her eyes crinkled as rays of light temporarily blinded her. She thought she heard birds chirping .

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The perfect morning…….how come I feel like a storm has just hit me?

It was in that instant when she remembered what happened last night. Nakago's face flashed in her mind, and her heart immediately clenched. 

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So this is what they call irony. 

She sat on the bed for a little while. Just staring at the space in between the tent flaps. God, she was pathetic. Over the years she had become stronger, more determined, more in control.

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But I also loved him more and more

That was where her weakness lay, she knew it. But she couldn't forget the man who brought her back to life. And now he was her life. 

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I guess all the cheesy things they say about love is true. Even I'm turning into those girls who cry all day because of unrequited love. Where's the dignity in that? 

It took her several minutes to realize that she had other things to do, important things at that. Namely, go to Nakago's tent and observe the effects of last night. 

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I was caught unprepared yesterday and showed a tad more emotions than I should have, but now I'm ready. Time to face the music.

She took a bath, and after putting on her fighting armor, stepped out of her tent. Sunshine greeted her merrily. She felt as if it was trying to embrace her. She tried to block out the splendid view as she made her way to Nakago. She feared she would lose her composure if she let the morning get to her. Soi knew it was mocking her. Like all the rest, it too was laughing at her, simply because it had everything she didn't have. Finally she stopped in front of Nakago's tent. She hesitated for a second, but quickly went inside. She knew he already sensed her presence, and if she continued to stay outside he would think she was weaker than he already thought. She didn't want him to find out how much he pained her. He was the type of man who thrived in power, and she was positive that to get him she had to be strong, if possible, stronger than him. She didn't want to be a liability. Once she was inside she saw Nakago sitting next to a table looking at some papers.

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I guess hurting me means nothing to him

Despite herself, she was once again left breathless as she looked at him. His blue eyes were emphasized by the darkness of the tent, which was sealed like a tomb, and they sparkled like gems. Yet gray clouds were blocking them from the rest of the world. From her.

"Hmmmmm……………." 

Her heart stopped beating momentarily.

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It figures.

She didn't need to look to find out where the sound came from.

Trying hard not to look at the bed and to steady her rising pulse, she spoke up.

"Nakago-sama, I've come for my orders."

"Good morning to you too, Soi." 

He spoke without glancing at her. He was still reading the papers, but then he abruptly halted. 

"I'm almost done here. As for your orders, I need to ask Suboshi something first, and then I'll tell you"

He raised his head, and caught her eyes. At that moment, she saw why she fell in love with him. She felt her mouth quiver. 

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No.

But it was too late, Nakago saw her reaction, and as usual, he did what he always did. His face grew stony, and he slowly raised up. She was ashamed. All the things she vowed not to do were destroyed the instant he looked at her. 

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You cannot make him love you like this.

She quickly hid the destruction in her, and when he looked at her again her face was a smooth stone.

"I'll wait," she replied

He nodded. Then he left the tent, leaving Soi alone to ponder on her emotions and the memory of his voice.

She didn't know what possessed her next but she just had to look at Sanumi again, who, just as she had thought, was on the bed. After several minutes, she was forced to admit what she feared most. The girl was beautiful. She had curly raven-black hair, a heart-shaped face and a spectacular figure that the thin blanket around her couldn't hide. To Soi's further dismay, she noted that the bed was a mess.

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Must have been a wild night.

She looked at the ground. She felt her head spin. She had expected this, but that still didn't make her feel less worse. As she was thinking of the different ways she could kill the girl without anyone noticing, she heard Sanumi purr. Actually purr.

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Can she get anymore sickening.

She prayed to the gods that the bitch wouldn't wake up. But even they were against her. At last she gave up, and finally acknowledged the woman. She looked up to see Sanumi smiling sleepily. No. Smirking. She would have given everything just to slap the whore. But instead, she smiled and greeted her.

"Good morning, Sanumi-san. I trust you slept well"

The girl's smirk deepened.

"I did. What about you?"

She said this with a hint of sarcasm, telling Soi its hidden meaning.

"The best I've had in weeks," Soi said, looking her straight in the eye in a challenge.

"Really? What was it that made you sleep so soundly?"

"The thought that you're here and how happy you'll surely make all the soldiers."

The witch got hit by that last one, her forehead creased. Soi remained passive. She could be a terrific actress when she wanted to be. But before she could rejoice in victory, Sanumi retaliated.

"I'm sure I will. Nakago sure did enjoy my services."

That stung and the bitch knew it, even if Soi didn't show it. Before she could react Nakago came back with Suboshi and Tomo. Tomo looked at Sanumi then Nakago then Soi and back again. He was smiling broadly, his eyes crinkling as he did, he knew Soi had fallen. Suboshi , meanwhile, was looking sympathetically at her, and she hated that even more.

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Am I that obvious?

Nakago was looking at his papers once again and no one said anything for a long time. After checking out both Tomo and Suboshi and casting them seductive smiles, Sanumi walked over to Nakago, obviously bored with the silence. Soi clenched her fists, but quickly regained herself, remembering that Tomo was watching. His back was to the girl, and she put her arms around his neck, bent over his ear, her mouth only a few centimeters away.

"Good morning, Nakago-sama. I'm going to take a bath for a while and leave you with your _soldiers._"

Nakago didn't say anything. Soi inwardly sighed in relief. Maybe he wasn't into Sanumi as much as she thought he was. But her relief was short-lived.

"Rest. I'll be needing you later"

That remark gained a smile from the witch and she turned to leave, the blanket the only thing covering her. When the sataness was gone, Tomo spoke up.

"I see you've got yourself a new pastime Nakago. Well, you know what I always say, out with the old and in with the new."

He was looking directly at Soi.

She ignored him. She didn't want to humiliate herself anymore. When he saw that Soi wasn't biting the bait he finally gave up and merely smiled knowingly. 

Finally, Nakago talked.

"I gathered you here to inform you of your assignments. Soi, I need you to gather information about the Suzaku warriors. There's a bar close from here that has drunk and very talkative men. Not all of them from Kutou. Mingle a bit, ask a few questions"

"Hai," she replied automatically

"When do you want this said task to be done?"

"Anytime this week."

"As you wish."

He turned his attention to Tomo and Suboshi..

"As for you two, I need you to see to it that our soldiers are getting the proper training. We will attack Konan soon."

"Hai, Nakago," the men said in unison. 

Then the three of them exited the tent. Soi went instantly to her tent, hurting all over.

The next few days were hell. Sanumi was slowly taking over. She even tried making friends with Yui, but, for some strange reason, the priestess seemed to see right through her - much to Soi's delight. The witch was also flirting with every man in the camp, and, worst of all, Nakago favored her more and more each day. Which is why Soi found herself alone in her tent one day. Laying in her bed staring at the ceiling.

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I'm here staring. Thinking about things.

Things I've never thought of before. 

Yet I still strain my ears

Trying to hear his familiar footsteps 

And I still see his blue eyes 

And my body 

Still craves for his wild and gentle, very gentle fingers.

But I don't hear his footsteps, 

And I don't see his eyes, 

And I don't feel his touch

So where does that leave me?

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AUTHOR'S NOTES: HI EVERYONE. HOPE YOU LIKE THE NEW CHAPTER. DON'T WORRY THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET MORE INTERESTING IN THE FUTURE ONES. A LOT MORE INTERESTING. MEANWHILE, I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR OPINIONS AND SUGGESTIONS. PLEASE HELP ME FINISH THIS STORY 'CUZ I HAVEN'T REALLY THOUGHT OF AN ENDING YET. WHO KNOWS I MIGHT FOLLOW YOUR IDEASJ 


	4. My Numbness

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DANGEROUS FEELINGS

Chapter 4

It had been five days since Soi first met Sanumi, and she had spent most of those days avoiding the girl and Nakago. She figured if she didn't see them then that would just save her the heartache. But she was wrong. Because she missed Nakago. What people didn't know was that what to them was a freezing stare from blue eyes was pure ecstasy to Soi. Because at least he was looking at her. The cold man they were always presented with was an angel to her. A lover. A master. The unnerving smile they always saw was a ray of sunshine to her. His cold hands always felt warm against her skin. And his deep voice was the music she longed to hear whenever they made love……..

Soi felt herself. She was burning up. She blushed as she realized what was happening. She forced herself to close her eyes, and she tried to control the ache within her. As she continued her battle, her hand grabbed a handful of the bedsheet. Her thoughts continued to race. Frustrated, she sat bolt upright. Her breathing heavy.

"Nakago….."

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Is this what you see everytime you look at me?

Soi was weak

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No. I'm not

You are

She glanced outside. It was morning. Still morning. She stood up and then almost fell down. Her legs were shaky. Her face darkened. She straightened up once more, and stood still. She didn't move until she was sure that her legs were working properly again. She went to the other end of the tent. She stopped in front of the mirror and saw her reflection. Blue eyes stared back at her. Her pale face was framed by red locks. She stayed there, as if in a trance. Memories flooded her mind. Then her face broke into a smile. It was a tired smile. But it was a smile nonetheless.

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I love Nakago……and I'm strong

She put on her armor, and walked outside.

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I'm stronger than Sanumi. And I will win him back. I'll make him want me so much that, not Sanumi, not Tomo, not even Nakago, can stop himself.

She knew the chances were slim. Almost close to nothing.

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But I'm Soi. A Seiryuu Seishi. I can do this.

She finally had a plan. Something to motivate her. With her heart pounding, she reached Nakago's tent and went inside, her face smiling.

Her heart stopped beating. Her world stopped turning. Time stood still.

There on the were Nakago and Sanumi. Having sex. As the bed rocked, and as her ears were invaded by their hungry sighs, she could merely look at them. With each thrust she felt herself falling deeper and deeper. She thought she couldn't experience anymore pain. But she was wrong. She looked at the ground. She felt so dizzy. It was like the earth was shaking below her. She looked at them again. She closed her eyes. She didn't know what to do. Her head ached so much, and her heart….she couldn't feel it anymore. That was when she realized that she had stopped breathing.

"Uuuuughh…."

She released her breath

Oxygen came as a cold shock to her. She opened her eyes. That's when Nakago looked up. The witch was moaning like crazy, but Nakago just stared at her. Blue met blue. And she felt herself drowning once more. She was in the ocean. Slowly sinking. And she saw Nakago above her. Floating. The rays of the sun made him seem almost holy. She searched his eyes. There was nothing. It promised her nothing. There would be no salvation. There would be no more him

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SAVE ME

After what seemed like an eternity, he finally spoke.

"Why are you here….ah…can't you see I'm busy….."

Soi was mortified. Even as he talked he was still doing it with her

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Can't he stop? Even for just a second? Dear gods make him stop. Please Nakago just hold me. Me. Tell me everything. Anything. Something……

She backed away, and felt something press against her. Then she tumbled and fell on her butt. The witch looked at her and laughed. Actually laughed. Or tried to laugh beneath Nakago, because she was practically breathless.

The bed continued to rock.

She stood up, turned, and left. She stood outside and saw complete and total darkness. Everything was black. She blinked

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What? It's morning.

Then she saw a flash of a poor replica of the scenery before, but was almost instantly replaced by the darkness. She stood there letting the wind take her over. She wanted to become the wind.

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I want to get out of here.

She willed the tears to come. She forced them out.

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Cry. Please cry.

She just wanted to cry. At least the tears washed away the suffering, the pain, and made her feel calm until the sadness once again visited and overwhelmed her. But she didn't. Her despair was greater than tears. She was numb. She ceased to think. Ceased to feel.

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Nakago would be extremely happy if he found out what I've become. Now I understand what he meant by pain is what makes us fit to be rulers.

She walked all the way to her tent. Oblivious to everything. SLAM. She hit something. Hard. Her vision cleared and she saw Tomo.

"Hey! Watch where you're going," he spat, moving away from her, repulsed at her touch

She just looked at him.

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Am I supposed to react.

"Soi!"

She continued to stare at him.

"Soi!!!!!"

He was shouting now, obviously worried, but not willing to show it. He raised his arms, held her by the shoulder, and shook her.

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I feel tired. Sleep would be a good option right now. Yeah…..sleep.

Her eyes rolled back and her lids dropped, with them came her body, which was dropping to the ground until a pair a strong arms grabbed her and she fell back against Tomo.

"What's wrong….Soi…..Soi.."

His face was pale.

Everything was fading. Soi was fading. And it was the one thing she wanted.

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SOI

I should be used to this by now.

But I'm not.

How can someone get used to pain?

To humiliation?

I want to know why I still feel this.

I want to know why despite everything

When I looked into his eyes

I wished it was me he was making love to.

I wished it was me he was holding.

SANUMI

Okay. She's prettier. 

She's sexier.

She's got more abilities.

But I have Nakago.

So I've got the power.

And it feels good.

So good.

Revenge really is sweet.

NAKAGO

I knew she was there.

I felt her presence.

But I kept going.

And I don't know why.

All I know was that I wanted her to see it. 

Soi opened her eyes and found herself looking at the ceiling of her tent.

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What in the world happened?

Then everything came back in shocking clarity. From Nakago's face to Sanumi's erotic sighs. She waited for the familiar pain. Yet she didn't feel anything. It was as if she had no heart at all. 

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I guess too much pain can cause a lobotomy.

Or maybe it just wasn't acceptable to feel as bad as she did. The gods pitied her and made her feel nothing at all. But she still wanted to cry. She needed it. Yet she couldn't. It was like her emotions were all trapped inside her but couldn't get out.

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It's strange. Nakago always wanted me to be like this. Emotionless. I could never accomplish that. Because when it came to him I hoped. I wished. I felt. Now that I'm finally what he wanted me to be, he's gone.

Soi sat up on the bed and took a deep breath. It was noisy, very chaotic outside. She needed to get away.

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Privacy.

I have to sort my feelings out. I need to stop being this way.

Then it hit her. The woods. She knew if she walked long enough there would be a clearing where a pond was. Perfect for a picnic. She almost laughed.

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ME? Go for a picnic? How freaking normal can things get?

But she knew it would be good for her. She needed to get used to being alone. Armed with that thought she got up and dressed into something more comfortable and carefree. 


End file.
